Working in a lower-income urban neighborhood with a large Bhutanese-Nepali immigrant population, trying to plant a church and do community collaborative work is not exactly what a blind white guy like me dreams of doing. Little predictability, little control, and just an overall tapestry of guess work. For the last several months I have fixated on where I am stuck. I have focused on the areas where I have little influence in leadership. That black hole is deadly. Needless to say, that has not gone well.
There are a lot of things I have influence on in my life. My family, the ministry the Lord has entrusted, friends, even my neighborhood to a certain extent – That is an incredible responsibility and privilege. In the course of the day each of us has multiple layers of the amount of influence we have on situations and in the lives of those around us. I wish I could say that was a perspective that I keep in check most of the time. Not so much.
If you are anything like me, we can tend to focus on the areas of our lives where we do not have influence. The person who doesn’t care for you all that much. A situation that has escalated and your opinion in it means little. Naysayers to the cause you have given your life to. These are the sorts of things, if we are not careful, that we can spend countless moments on. How much energy have I given to something I just have no influence on? How many hours have been wasted worrying, speculating, or wishing that something would be different about a relationship or situation that cannot be changed? In these days, I have been trying to reflect on the hundreds of things I do have influence on. How can we learn to strengthen the godly influence in our allies and stop beating a dead horse?
I wish I was better at recognizing this far earlier in the process. I’m the guy who keeps trying and trying things, hoping for a different outcome. Looking at the beautiful places, spaces, and relationships where I have influence though is a good start. It is in those moments that we let go of chaos and reaffirm a sense of order in our lives. Please do not hear me saying that we can’t try to improve brokenness or toss one starfish back into the water at a time. Certainly, we can. But perhaps more of our attention, emotion, and energy can be given to the things and people who give life. In rallying together with those people and around those situations, godly influence can grow and grow.
Are you stuck? In leadership? In a friendship? In a partnership? I have been there many times before. In the midst of my stuck-ness, I have begun to send out lifelines and I am learning day by day to surround myself by those who are a good godly influence on me and vice versa. The beating a dead horse theory of trying to jump start a dead battery surely is not the best way to take back control of our lives.
Wait. There has to be more. This can’t just end with how to win friends and influence people can it?
Jesus loved his enemies. Finally, I said Jesus. About time. yes. He responded to his accusers at times. He recognized the disparity of the political situation he was in. But Jesus isn’t found giving his time and energy to all of that. He spends many hours and weeks with 12 men who followed him when he asked them to. In the end, some of those men betrayed and denied him but the principle is still true. Give your heart and life to God. Spend your time and energy with the people you have influence on. . .. until you can’t.
It may end in crucifixion. It may end in surrender. It will always, always, always end in resurrection if you belong to Jesus., the very people we develop trust with may turn around and be our biggest nay-sayers. That is why resurrection is so important. It shifts our gaze from light and momentary troubles to an eternal glory that far outweighs this present life (yeah, Paul’s words). If we are ever going to bank on anything in all of this, we have to bank on resurrection. Whether it is suffering or elation, if rooted in Christ, it always ends in resurrection. I guess the real question then is how to have perspective and joy in the midst of it all. Living hope. Yes, resurrection is the best I can come up with.
Some hopeful perspectives in the midst of being stuck I am learning:
- Influence who and what you can. Be as joyous and faithful in each situation. I think Tim Keller once reminded us that we are never instructed to pray that our circumstances change but that we would be content. Yep, still struggling with this one.
- Know that suffering is inevitable. Fallout will happen. Struggle will knock on your door. And when it knocks, own your stuff. You don’t get resurrection without crucifixion.
- Stay rooted in Jesus, the Scriptures, and pray continually. When this is neglected all will seem lost. We can become masters at dwelling on where we are stuck and how insurmountable the situation seems. That often produces prayerlessness and dread.
- Have lifelines out. Who are the trusted people in your network who you can go to for encouragement, coaching, prayer, and challenge? These days I am learning to send flares out in several directions. Trusted godly voices and wisdom is definitely all it is cracked up to be.
Duke Divinity professor, C. Kavin Rowe, captures this beautifully, “Resilience in the Christian sense is not toughness. It is. It is a lived hope, a way to keep getting up again that has its roots in God’s permanent faithfulness. . . Admittedly, resilience is not the first word that comes to mind to describe Christ-shaped leadership. True, Jesus did get up even from the dead. But this was not resilience; it was bodily resurrection, an act of God strictly and entirely beyond what was possible for a dead man to do for himself.”[1]
I wonder if we will remember to not dwell on the opposition and the pain. It is only in resurrection that bitterness and pain is swallowed up. It is only in resurrection when loss loses its sting. May we fix our gaze on the Living Hope, the Author of our story, the Resurrection and the Life.
[1] C. Kavin Rowe, Cultivating Resilience in Christ-Shaped Leadership. Faith and Leadership, 2012. Accessed July 23, 2019: https://www.faithandleadership.com/c-kavin-rowe-cultivating-resilience-christ-shaped-leaders” April 23, 2012. Accessed July 23, 2019:
[1] C. Kavin Rowe, Cultivating Resilience in Christ-Shaped Leadership. Faith and Leadership, 2012. Accessed July 23, 2019: https://www.faithandleadership.com/c-kavin-rowe-cultivating-resilience-christ-shaped-leaders” April 23, 2012. Accessed July 23, 2019:
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