Reading and writing are two things I absolutely love to do. Until a couple years ago blogging, free-writing, and picking up whatever book interested me was commonplace. When I started doctoral work however, the intensity with which I have needed to read to keep up with my project and the demand to turn that into writing has been great. The rewards have been worth it as I am doing well in my program but things like this blog have been neglected. I don’t love that but I also know that different seasons call for different priorities so this is where I am for now.
I haven’t been able to tell stories so much lately and story-telling is a big part of who I am. It comes out in teaching. It fills my bedtime routine when I put my son to bed. It surrounds the midnight chats that I have with Charity. Stories make me go. They make the world go, in my opinion.
One of the highlights of my day is the walk to and from work. I try to get to the classroom about 40-45 minutes before class starts. This allows me space to listen to some worship music, meditate, and pray with any students who arrive early. Last week one of our teachers who was leading the week got quite sick and I got a text that he would be out for the day. I was scrambling to figure out what on earth I was going to teach over the next four hours when a student dropped in. This student was discovering for one of the first times of his life (he isn’t super young) what it meant to walk in the Spirit. There was such an overflow of God in His life. In the end, he began praying for me asking the Spirit to give me wisdom and what to do to navigate the day. As you could imagine, it was an amazing day with God breaking into the classroom in unexpected ways.
No blueprints, Just Simple Trust
Most of the students who come through our mission training program are at a crossroads in life. Some are right out of high school or college and chomping at the bit to take the world by storm. No one could possibly tell them they couldn’t do what God has called them to. This is a wonderful place to be. Others have been derailed by life and obtaining more training seems to be the most logical thing to do in the midst of let down, relational fallout, or shattered dreams. Some come with the understanding that this is the required last step before they set out into cross-cultural ministry. None of these situations are ideal and the Lord has to chip away a lot at our hearts in the course of 5 months. Of course an abbreviated program that isn’t even half a year is unlikely to chip away all that is necessary but it is a start. Inevitably I am asked numerous times a semester by students, “What should I do with my life? Where should I go next? What would you do if you were in my position?”
It seems like I should have an answer. I mean, I have been through enough transitions in this life of missions that I am starting to lose count. Charity and I have adjusted to new cultures, learned language, lived with little and plenty, made decisions that have been difficult, left behind things we’ve grown to love – the list compiles. When I sit with a student eyeball to eyeball though, there still remains a level of trust in the God of the universe that I can’t teach. I can model it but it is divine trust in a supernatural God that is needed. Mother Teresa is known for saying in response to someone approaching her asking her to pray with them that they would have clarity. Her response, “You do not need clarity. God never asks us to pray for clarity. I will pray for trust in God. That is what you need.”
We have grown to realize over the last couple years that we are still standing not because we are amazing, resilient people. We aren’t still holding on to this mission call because we are more or less gifted than the next person. There is something though that has settled in our hearts. Some have called it godly grit. Some have called it fortitude. The Bible calls it faith. I have no other explanation than to say that God in His great grace has given us faith. Faith to trust Him. Faith to hold on to a living hope. Faith that God can once more make streams in the desert. Faith that the slingshot of our lives that has been pulled farther and farther back through life’s journey has prepared us to launch forward one more time. One more year we commit to this life of faith. I can’t explain it. It just is.
So at the tail of 2021 with two years of unlikely and unpredictable circumstances across the world, I remain thankful. Yeah, certain dreams have been dashed on the ground. Relationships have dissolved. Loved ones are no longer here. People that we have shared the Gospel with and into which we have invested years of our lives still remain without hope. But through it all the Lord gives faith. I have been able to enter into a season of learning which has confirmed to me my natural gifting and where I should be spending much of my energy. I have a son and wife who love me for who I am, despite all my shortcomings. Our family has an unwavering commitment to Christ that no one can rip away. I am thankful for faith.
I put this down in words because I know how easy it is to forget. I am prone to wander far, far away from these truths. Outwardly I appear strong but inwardly I doubt. I write this down as a landmark of difficult days for me and for many in our world during this pandemic. It isn’t ideal. I don’t have a blueprint to get you through. This faith has strong, unshakeable foundations. It just is. . . it just is.
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